I’ve noticed a trend among women. I’m sure it’s not new. But it sure is annoying. And I am almost positive that we have all been guilty of it at one point or another: when times get tough, we disappear.
Not saying we hide from the situation. Most of us don’t. We stand toe to toe with that thing, sometimes with tears in our eyes…sometimes with doubt in our heart….sometimes the fear of it makes our hands tremble and our voices shake. It may keep us up at night, it may take our appetite, it may cause bags under our eyes….but we don’t back down. We adjust our capes, we center our crowns on our heads, and we don’t quit. Kudos to us, right?
No, I’m not talking about hiding from that thing. No, sis, we don’t do that. I’m talking about hiding from each other. We do that. A lot.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying tell everyone you come in contact with your business. I am not saying to spill all your beans in your office to the new co-worker. And Lord, please oh PUH-LEEZE do not bleed on social media. What I am saying is…when your trusted and loyal sis says “hey are you ok? do you need help?” don’t turn them down…when in fact you need help…use that friendship!
I have a sis who was going through A LOT! And one day, she disappeared. There were no facebook posts or nothing (you can tell when something is going on by one’s fb disappearance….or name change…shoutout to everyone who went from full name to first and middle names). I began to text her, and she did not respond. I had to reach out to her husband for confirmation that she was alive. It would be months, like 5 or 6 of them, before she would text me a simple “hi”. As we began to re-connect and catch each other up on our lives, she was shocked at some of the things I shared with her. She asked why hadn’t I shared earlier….I reminded her I could not get a hello text….let alone a response to an SOS text. “Part of the new me will be to not go all introvertish when my life goes south”, she declared.
I went through my mental Rolodex of friends….almost all of them do this. And I have had the same discussion with them all: stop hiding, speak up when you need help, don’t hurt/suffer alone. And almost all of them answer the same: I don’t want to be a burden, I was embarrassed; I don’t know why I didn’t reach out…. it’s frustrating to hear this. I stand by my sisterhoodship qualities. So I sat high up on my horse and judged all of them. Then I had a heart check. As I examined myself and I realized I did the same thing. I don’t answer texts right away (One sis threatened to make the 5 hour drive to my house if I didn’t respond). I lie and say I’m ok (the real ones know when your lying. My sissy showed up at my door, unannounced, because she knew I was not ok. And, I can never forget my meltdown of ’13 in my car, where two of my sisters sat with me till my voice returned to normal, and my eyes were set right back in my head. AND then there was the meltdown of ’11 or ’12 where I sat in a bathroom in a church after my friends got married and cried from a broken heart I never thought would heal. And my sisters sat with me, wiped my nose…like I was 2, there went the last of my dignity that day….and prayed with me)
Guess what? Sometimes, you may be a burden to others. You may call in the middle of me doing my homework, cooking dinner for my family, in the middle of precious sleep…..right before I take my first bacon bite of the day. My two sisters, in the above example….they were in the middle of watching Scandal (2nd season I think) when I called. You may be a burden at times. So what? Get over yourself. PEOPLE need PEOPLE! SISTERS need SISTERS! IRON sharpens IRON! There is no set schedule to follow when it comes to reaching out in times of need. And don’t worry about shame. We have all had our share. It can keep you bound in your mess or your hurt. Speaking up can set you free! Real sisters pray for you, pray with you, help you figure some things out. And believe me, as your friendship grows older, and you all keep doing this thing called life, she will get her turn to be your burden. And you will welcome her with love and care. Because you will remember when…
Don’t know what to say when you reach out? Try this: help. In extreme times, yell incoherently. Refer to meltdown of ’13. That’s what I did there.
If you have good friends, be thankful for them, and use that friendship! Don’t disappear!
If you don’t have good friends, pray for some. God will provide. And when you get them, be thankful for them, and use that friendship. This walk wasn’t meant to be walked alone! Don’t disappear!
If you have been done wrong by false friends, don’t let that harden your heart to the possibility that there are real friends for you. Again, pray for some. God will provide. And when you get them, be thankful for them, and use that friendship. This walk wasn’t meant to be walked alone! Don’t disappear!
Kudos to you for staring that thing head on, not backing down. You go, sis! Awesome that you are ready to fight. That you won’t fall victim to “it”. I know you wipe your tears then get ready for the next fight. But it’s so much better, when you have your sisters standing there with you, ready to fight with you, giving you pointers…Bible verses on how to win! Where two or three are gathered together in His name, that thing don’t stand a chance!
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not easily broken – Ecclesiastes 4:12
A friends loves at all times, and a brother (SISTER) is born for adversity – Proverbs 17:17