So I turned on the television today and saw that another “celebrity” couple is headed to splitsville. It’s a sad tale I’ve seen too often and lived through. While not every detail is the same, the end result is divorce. In this couple’s scenario, after a quick dating period, they wed and now she is pregnant, on screen crying, telling her side, visibly miserable at how this will adversely affect her unborn child. She has been quoted as saying “I love who he pretended to be”. That’s a deep statement to me.
Single Sis…please hear me. These quick, rushed, whirlwind romances are for the birds. It feels good for the moment…because who doesn’t like a whirlwind romance. But unless Jesus Christ comes to your room while you are deep in prayer and fasting and says “Hey…daughter….it’s safe to skip that “courting, get to know each other” phase and just jump right to marriage”, then DO NOT skip that “courting, get to know each other” phase.
Instead, take some time. Real time. Get to know him in every season. The winter of your relationship might reveal some things that the summer does not. The proxy that he sends on those first dates may not be authentic. And truth be told, neither may yours. Time reveals all.
What are your deal breakers? What are your goals and desires?
Build a friendship! I was talking to a sister of mine recently and complimented what a beautiful marriage she had. And she does. But she was quick to amend my statement by saying that their friendship is beautiful. She went on to explain that while she is his wife, remembering that she is also his friend helps her interact better with him during hard times.
And please remember, when dealing with someone….no matter how much potential you see in him…right now, in reality, you need to deal with his reality. His reality, not his potential. He may never grow to that potential that you see. Can you deal with that? He may never move past this moment. Or at least not at the pace that you KNOW he is capable of. Can you deal with that?
I am not trying to be a Debbie downer. I believe in love. I believe in marriage. And I certainly stand in faith for my own happily ever after. But we have got to stop being so quick to jump into things so quickly. And believe me, I get why. Loneliness: Sometime being alone can get lonely. And quiet. ‘Nuff said. Horniness: As Christian women, we can’t run around with every dude that comes our way. And our goal and requirements should include abstinence. But we are human, and our bodies work, and sometimes we want someone to work our bodies. Competition: Sometimes we can get distracted by the fact that everyone our age seems three steps ahead. It’s hard when everyone else is finding love getting married and you just managed to find that earring you lost three years ago. Nurture: we are built to love and nurture. Because of this, sometimes we look at men as projects to love on, instead of men who may need to do some growing first.
None of these reasons are reason enough to leap before you look.
It takes a whole lot more than that to make a marriage work…
Time reveals a lot…and God reveals the rest…