“Girl if I were you….”, “No, see I would’ve…”, “Ain’t no way in….”, “Girl bye! Ya’ll would’ve been posting my bail….”. We all have that one friend (hopefully you are not that friend) who always has something to offer, and none of it is positive. That friend who always tells you how it should’ve gone down, what you should’ve done. She tries to end it with “I’ll be praying for you”, but you know, based off your convo, that she probably won’t. I don’t like this chick. I don’t think she’s a friend.
The last thing you need, when you are feeling down, is for someone you love to kick you further down.
There is a time and a place for “discussion”. While you are sitting in the face of something awful, is not the time.
Did you know that you are graced for your situations? In 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 Paul begged God three times to take away his affliction, something that was troubling him. And God told him no. Not because He wanted to be mean, but because He uses our situations to grow us, stretch us, and remind us to rely on Him. Each new test really is an opportunity to grow deeper in Christ. I know I just got side eyes….I side eyed myself. But it’s true. Cut out any chatter the helps you to view your problems the wrong way. If you’ve asked God to take your affliction, and He hasn’t, then that means there is a meaning behind it. We’ve all had those moments of “All my life I’ve had to fight”. Grow that statement into “God’s power is made strong in my weakness. I got through that, because of God’s strength! I will get through everything because of God’s strength!”.
When Job was going through it…and boy did he go through it….he sat with his wife and friends. Bad news report after bad news report came to his door. Sitting in silence with them must have been comforting. The Bible says that they wept with him. If you’ve ever had to do that real ugly cry, that comes from deep in your gut, and you make sounds you didn’t think were human….like you really did not recognize your own noises…and you’ve had a friend there…then you know. Silence really is golden. It wasn’t until he began to converse with them, that he felt even worse, if possible. It’s better just to be there, then to speak unnecessarily.
I remember when I first learned of infidelity in my marriage. In an attempt to still act “normal” I went to a wedding. When I couldn’t take the sappiness of the occasion any longer I quietly excused myself to the restroom. I sat down in front of this huge mirror and didn’t recognize my reflection. I looked wounded…sad, heavy…broken. I laid my head on the cold counter, and cried. And cried. I had never felt more broken…or alone. I picked my head up off that counter when I thought I was done, and 3 extra faces were staring back at me in the mirror. My sisters. I don’t remember hearing them come in. But I do know, I cried into them, and they held me up. One sis grabbed a tissue and continuously wiped my eyes and nose (THAT, sis, is love, because I don’t think just anyone would willingly wipe snot). I didn’t talk much, they didn’t ask too many questions. But they prayed with me. They got me together that day. They helped me walk back into the rest of my day. I would have many more breakdowns…and many more sisters to help me through them. Not by talking (although sometimes it is appropriate) but by being there.
Sis, whatever is threatening to break you, WON’T! Whatever it is, you are GRACED for it! Learn to lean on God, learn to trust His strength. And embrace the sisters that God places in your life, to be there for you!
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