Ok so lets talk. You just got out of a relationship…something serious. Suddenly, you are solo in a world full of couples. And all of your friends are telling you how great you are, so much so that they might as well grab you by the shoulders, look into your eyes and say “You is Kind. You is Smart. You is Important”. Now what? What do you do? You take time. Alone. And here’s why:
You need to self evaluate. Even if he cheated…the whole time you were together…even if he never closed the toilet seat or he never took out the garbage or he gambled his paycheck every weekend…even if he never liked bacon, there is still reason to check yourself, your heart, your actions. What are some things that you could have done differently? What are some habits that you just need to stop? I am not in any way saying that whatever he did, you deserved. I think it’s important to point that out. A lot of victims of abuse or adultery (etc) seem to take on the guilt that the perpetrator should feel. That is wrong, and I am not advocating that thought. But I am suggesting that you need to figure you out. Recognize the flaws, give them to Jesus and ask Him for His help. No one wants to make the same mistakes over and over again.
You need to learn to embrace the solo. Figure out what makes you tick, what you like, what you don’t like. Learn to value your own company, your own conversation. I don’t care how pretty you are or how big your booty is, that will fade. Then what? What’s left? What do you offer? What makes you up as a woman?
You need time to heal. Everyone will rush you to move on, for whatever reason. You may even rush yourself. Don’t. Jumping from relationship to relationship will ensure that you will jump to the next one. Broken hearts do heal! Healing takes time, patience and Jesus. Another man will not heal what is broken. And the wrong man will break you more.
When you do date, recognize dysfunction. The enemy studies us. He knows what will trip us up. And at our most vulnerable moments, he will send the same dysfunction you just got out of, wrapped in a different package. He will be just enough to grab your attention. He will say enough to get you hooked. He will do enough to trap you. And before you know it, when you have invested your emotions, you will realize you are in something wrong. It can be very hard to dig yourself out of that hole.
When you do date, don’t give that man a Jesus complex. He may be a breath of fresh air but he is not your savior. He will have issues. Don’t put him so high up on a pedestal that at the first sign of trouble or disappointment, he’s knocked down, looked down on and discarded. No matter how many pros he has, he will also own cons. While you do need to discern what cons you can live with, and what cons you should make you walk away from, you will not meet anyone that is perfect. Don’t expect perfection. Expect him to be the man that he portrays. Expect loyalty and honesty. But do not expect perfection.
And, quite possibly the hardest of all is to abstain. Don’t give in to the pressure. From others. And from your loins. Because let’s be real: if you are trying to do things the way God laid out, being single and unmarried means no sex. And OhMyGoodness is that a hurdle! Ain’t that like, the most unfair thing to ask? But it’s for your own good. Why? Because while sex is a physical act, it is a spiritual act as well, meaning your spiritual walk can be affected. Also recognize that you have to protect the thing…the gift, the purpose that God is birthing in you. You can’t afford to link up spiritually…intimately with someone that was not destined to be with you. Or someone who was not destined to be with you at this time. That act can delay what you are purposed to do, and it can altar your course. It distracts you from your walk with Christ and it will help you to water down the word of God, misinterpret the word of God and you will begin to believe the lie that sex with a man that is not your husband, is ok. It’s not. And no man is worth that! Later on you will realize the soul ties you will need to break, which is painful.
This single time is meant to focus on your relationship with Christ, and what He has called you to do. God wants all of you right now.
1 Corinthians 7:34 And he is drawn in diverging directions [his interests are divided and he is distracted from his devotion to God]. And the unmarried woman or girl is concerned and anxious about the matters of the Lord, how to be wholly separated and set apart in body and spirit; but the married woman has her cares [centered] in earthly affairs—how she may please her husband.
Don’t force relationships just because you are alone or lonely. I saw a quote online recently: “Don’t let your desire to have a man blind you from the fact that deep inside you know this not the man for you”. Take time to heal and figure yourself out. Grow stronger spiritually! And when the time is right, approach new relationships with caution and prayer. Deep down, you will know when it’s right! And when it’s not!
Married Ladies…see you next week! 🙂