There’s a lot that goes into being a wife. Right? Back in my married days I started a group specifically for married women. We would meet periodically, communicated often through group texts…we did prayer requests, challenges and always encouraged each other to be better wives. (I would encourage all women to create a village of believing wives. They come in handy during tough times. They can talk you out of bad, emotional decisions and pray you out of the darkness). During a light-hearted conversation, a sis declared “He puts a new roll of paper towels on the stand and looks at me like he just accomplished something! I’m thinking, you were supposed to put a new roll on! You finished the old roll. What do you want? A parade?!”
We laughed and laughed. (we still reference it to this day). Hey married sis, I know that you are probably laughing and psh-ing just as we did. I’m sure you have a similar story, in which you could incredulously ask the same thing: You want a parade?! But guess what? The short answer is YES! He wants the parade. He may not say yes. He may not know how to communicate that need. But, yes. And guess who gets to lead the parade? YOU!!
However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [[a]that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and [b]that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. Ephesians 5:33 AMP
Women are wired way different than men. We crave protection (covering), affection, conversation, etc. We need things that make us feel loved. Men need things…the things mentioned in the above verse, in order to feel respected. If you are in a situation where he is not giving you a thing to respect….guess what….*ducks down behind the computer….peeks around the monitor and whispers with holy boldness….you still gotta respect him. That’s what the word says. This was not an if/then command…as in if he loves you, then you respect him. He says, respect you husband. And the amplified version breaks “respect” down.
We are taught to praise God in advance for the things we don’t have, but need or desire. We are taught to speak life over dead situations. But when it comes to our hubbies we throw in the towel, instead of applying the same principles. Speak what you want to see, not what is. Praise God for the man he is becoming, if you can’t praise God for the man he currently is. When our children are in trouble, we fight for them. I think it’s safe to say, we would walk the floor boards all night long if we had to. We would stay in the face of God. We would stand before judges. We would negotiate with principals. We would do anything we had to do, whatever we had to, for our babies. Warring mothers, is what we are called. What are we doing for our husbands? When he is at his lowest, and not living or loving up to his end of the bargain, that’s when he needs you the most, to live up to your end. It’s not fair…I know…i know…but it’s right.
You want that man to change? You want your needs fulfilled? Start by being obedient to Christ. Marriage, quiet as it’s kept, is about giving, it’s about sacrifice. It’s not about self, but about your spouse. It’s not about what you need, but what you can give. There is a blessing in blessing your husband. And your needs will get met. Maybe not today, but by faith they will. In the meantime, God’s got you.
Marriage is hard work. It’s not for the faint of heart. But hard work now, pays off later. The goal is long life together, which means you have to do your part to work together. Currently, only 17% of divorces are because of adultery. That means that 83% are from the slow erosion that comes from lack of love and respect. Lack of Ephesians 5. Don’t let that be you. Don’t give up. Just give.